I think so, here’s a few things I’ve seen work:
Intrigue / mystery: These are universally appealing - in the sense of getting people interested in what you’re doing in the first place, It’s like anything in marketing, never give the whole game away - this will keep people interested in knowing more. This is part of the mentality behind what some call the ‘cult of celebrity’ - people want to know more about something, they don't have enough information and actively search for more.
Trivia / something ‘unusual': Some unusual soundbites that allows writers things to latch onto. I remember a long time ago, in a music business project that I worked on, one of the songwriters was distant Nigerian Royalty. You better believe we milked the hell out of that. This can help the journalist in finding an ‘angle’ to anchor a piece around your music.
Targeting: In an ideal world your description is tailored exactly to the kind of audience you’re trying to attract. Obviously, we don’t all know what exactly our audience is, so as I’ve said before, try to get some impartial feedback from music business professionals as to where you should be pitching your music. Even if you’re pretty clear on what you do, a little ‘industry feedback’ goes a long way.
For example (and I’m not suggesting everyone has the time and inclination to do this), but if you were making something like Latin inspired Dance music, you could have one pitch/description for people who cover Latin music, and another for those interested in dance.
Cialdini’s 6 Principles of Influence: Reciprocation, Social Proof, Commitment / Consistency, Liking, Authority, Scarcity. How can you use these in your music? Each has been proven, over and again, to persuade and influence other people - and can work for you.
A second opinion: Get someone who is good with the English language (doesn’t have to be a PR or copywriter, could be an English teacherm for example) to ‘sense check’ your work and make sure the content checks out on a ‘technical’ level (grammar, spelling, syntax, readability, etc).